wow, bad news

I am floored by the news of how sick Ashley's baby might be. Please, everyone who reads this, send healing energy and prayers.

Ashley's Blog

back...maybe?

Maybe it's time to start blogging again.

I've been really focused on photography which is bringing me a lot of excitement but also wave upon wave of self doubt. It's really tough, and I'm the only one holding myself back so I need to do everything in my power to let myself succeed.

I could use a healthy break from my family as well. That's not coming any time soon though and I'll probably miss this time when it's gone.

Makes me think of Trace Adkins song "You're gonna miss this"

Mostly the line:
"These are some good times, so take a good look around. You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this"

So, trying to get my shit together still. Last week I felt VERY together, this week I kinda feel all over the place and easily rattled. Then again, I had a very rattling weekend so I guess that's to be expected.

I don't know who reads this anymore but if you do, thanks for stopping by.

100 things to do in a lifetime

Hello from down under! I'm bored tonight and saw this on Katy's blog. :) I promise a real update soon!

My answers are in bold!

100 Things You Should Do in Your Life
1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/World
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

A person would have to travel a LOT to finish this list!

hope all is well, Torey is doing great, check out caring bridge for updates!

Going Back to NZ!

I booked my flights last night and I'm going back to NZ from Feb 3rd - March 13th!

I'm so excited to go back but all of the sudden I feel like I have so much to do and so little time! Eep! I need to make sure this next week is as productive as possible.

Last night was my 'Welcome Home' party and I got to see a bunch of friends that I hadn't seen since my wedding or before. I'm really glad we put that together even tho Steve and I are worthless and hung over today. :) I'm sad that I didn't take any pictures though, what was I thinking? Oh well.

This past week was much better for my than the week before. I was able to work out some communication issue with my family and I think we're all doing better as a result. My dad is down in NZ this week and I'm so glad he can be there for Torey. He's been missing her hardcore. I think it's important that he can see where she is and understand what her day to day experiences are.

Tonight we're going to dinner with the in laws. I haven't seen them since the wedding either so that should be nice. They don't know that I'm unemployed yet, so that should be an interesting conversation. It will be fine though, it's not like there's anything I can do about it besides look for a job!

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

The Serenity Prayer... It's Not Just For Addicts Anymore

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

That prayer has taken on a whole new meaning to me in this time of uncertainty in my life.
I can't change the fact that my sister was in an awful car accident.
I can't change the fact that my sister is in New Zealand for the next few months.
I can't change the fact that it's winter and the weather SUCKS.

However, I have a choice how I can spend my days.
I'm unemployed. I can't change the fact that the job market is absolute shit right now, but I CAN work on my resume and apply to as many positions as I can find.
I can look for interim employment until I get a 'real' job.
I can stick to a budget and stretch our money.
I can take advantage of my time at home and do projects around the house.

Seriously, that serenity prayer is the only thing that got me to sleep last night and calmed my pounding heart. Sometimes, ok, usually daily, the stress of my situation feels like it's too much and I can't take it. Especially where Torey is concerned. At times it is incredibly difficult to keep my head above the water. If any of you are John Irving fans, you'll understand when I say that it feels like the 'Under Toad' is staring at me. Waiting and watching, about to come get me. Accepting what I cannot change will go a LONG way in keeping me sane these next few months.

I can't say that I will start floating through life with the weight of the world off of my shoulders. I know myself too well for that. But I do trust that the universe will take care of things and everything really will be ok.

The Universe is my version of a higher power. I used to be Christian, but have long since fallen away from that belief system. However, I still believe that there is something out there that ties us all together and makes the world right and balanced. In my eyes, that is the universe. It is all encompassing. Some people would say fate or karma, I say the universe.

This, too, shall pass. Everything will be as it should be, and I will be a stronger, more complete person as the result of this experience. I know this to be true, without a doubt. The Universe has my back.

But in the mean time... Universe, grant me the serenity....

Torey's Newspaper Spotlight

Torey was mentioned in the Daily Racing Form, a thoroughbred racing publication!

Fundraiser for injured farm worker

Friends of farm and sales worker Torey Phelps, who was badly injured in a November car crash, have established a fund to help with her rehabilitation.

The 25-year-old is undergoing intensive therapy in Hamilton, New Zealand, where she had been working at Windsor Park Stud and at Karaka Thoroughbred sales. Phelps most recently worked in the United States at Bluewater Sales and previously held positions with Lane's End's Oak Tree division, Dapple Stud, Kesmarc, and other central Kentucky facilities.

A sales-week fundraiser attended by more than 120 people at Harvey's in downtown Lexington raised almost $8,000 for her rehabilitation, according to Rosie Napier of Bluewater sales.

To donate, contact morgan.phelps.crane@gmail.com.

__________________

Seeing that brightened up my morning. I hope to get a bunch of emails about it! :)

Pretty Productive

Today I actually got some stuff done for a change.

Went to the eye doctor, found out that Steve's insurance covers glasses OR contacts not both. So I ordered new contact and I'm going to look at Target or Costo for new glasses (read: CHEAP glasses). I really want glasses that I can wear without feeling like I'm dressed down. For so long I've associated glasses with hangovers and not showering that when I wear them I feel grubby even if I'm not. :) So, I guess I need 'dress up' glasses.

After the eye doctor I went to Target (I LOVE me some Target) and got some sweaters on sale ($6 apiece!), a drying rack for all of our sweaters :), a new cat toy/perch as a reward for being so good at the vet and my best purchase was a rattan trunk to put at the end of our bed to hold our sheets and duvet covers. I LOOOOOVE storage space.

The apartment has seemed exceptionally small recently. Probably because I'm pretty much trapped inside it all day. So, it was good to make a dent in organization. Moving the linens to the trunk frees up space in the armoire for Steve's clothing so it doesn't have to live on the floor anymore. :)

A BIG organizational goal I have is to get caught up on laundry (both mine and his) and get ALL of our clothes put AWAY! Imagine that! Steve is creeped out by the idea of me doing his laundry for some reason but he's going to have to deal with it. I want that washing machine running 24/7. I'm sure a lot of you wish that your husband was obsessive about doing his own laundry but it's not as nice as it sounds. He literally doesn't trust me not to ruin his clothes and lives in fear that they might be washed on something besides cold! Oooooooh scary!

Anyhow. It was nice to get a little bit accomplished today. Tomorrow is supposed to be -40 outside so I'm staying in and doing more laundry/cleaning/hiding under a blanket to stay warm. :)

I also managed to overhaul my blog space. What do you think?

Torey continues to do well, I don't get to talk to her as much as I'd like but that comes with the territory.

Hope all is well in cyber land.