Kia Kaha

Hello again from NZ. I haven't been able to update this blog nearly as much as I'd like to but Torey's blog comes first.

My sanity has held together more in the past 2 days that it did in the days prior, so that has been a blessing. I haven't wanted to throttle any family members so maybe we are all learning how to best deal with each other during this stressful time.

Progress with Torey is slow. I post every new little thing she is doing but from the day to day perspective at her bedside, things are painfully slow. I feel like I'm betraying her in some way by saying that but I know that I also need to recognize my emotions and work through them to retain my sanity.

I miss my sister. We haven't always been the closest siblings, we never really talked more than once every few weeks in college but in the past 2 years I think we've become much closer. Between preparing for my wedding and my brother's wedding the year before, I've seen her more in the past 2 years than in the 8 years prior.

Now I see her every day but she's not really 'there'. I'm eager for her to wake up so we can assess where she is and what we need to work on. We have no idea what she will be like when she wakes up. She might have vision or hearing problems, memory problems, paralysis, personality changes. We don't know anything and it's frustrating.

If you've read the latest update that I posted on Caring Bridge you'll see the phrase 'Kia Kaha'. It is Maori for 'Stay Strong' and I think I'm going to get a tattoo of that phrase while I'm here. Tattoo is VERY popular in NZ and it really seems appropriate. I just need to decide where on my body (probably close to my other tats) and if I want it accompanied by a traditional Maori design or if I just want the words...

Anyhow, it feels good to write on here. I'm going to make an effort to do it more often. I need to keep taking time for me. That is hard to remember sometimes.

I miss you, knotties/nesties. You're the only ones who know about/read this blog. :) Hope you are all well.