The past 3 nights have been sadder for me than any night since we arrived. I've broken down crying every night and I can't seem to control it. I can't concentrate on what I'm doing, I can't remember to do things or to tell people things, it's awful.
It occurred to me tonight that my sister might not remember my wedding at all. And she might not remember the Christmas present that I gave her in Mexico, because I wasn't supposed to see her for 6 months.
I gave her the Tiffany silver horse shoe necklace. I've actually been wearing it, along with my starfish necklace, every day since I arrived. Anyhow, I noticed that she kept the Tiffany box and Tiffany pouch it came in. So, I think I'm going to wrap it up again and give it to her for Xmas one more time.
I'm secretly hoping that she will give some indications that she recognizes the gift or remembers getting it before. That would show that she remembers my wedding... If she doesn't, I'm not going to read into it too much. (reactions are few and far between in this weird world of traumatic brain injuries).
So, we'll see. Hell, if she doesn't remember my wedding I have thousands of photos to show her and she can see how beautiful she looked.
sigh. this it the hardest thing I've ever done. Not only do I need to take care of Torey, I'm taking care of myself and also taking card of my mom. She confessed tonight that she needs more than I've been giving and that was hard to hear. I also need more than SHE has been giving but that's a different story.
Life is hard, but life is beautiful And I really mean that. We are in this AMAZING country with fabulous people for the most horrendous reason! I don't pretend to understand a single damn thing about it.
Ok, I'm rambling now. I miss all of you so much. I miss having people around who are my own age, even. I'm hanging out with a bunch of 50-60 somethings and Dan. This is not my idea of a good time, but I do what I can.
Hope everyone's end of 2008 is going a shit ton better than mine.
xoxox
No comments:
Post a Comment